


Blackberry and lavender

by Morethancupcake



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abused Castiel, Alternate Universe, Child Abuse, Childhood, Domestic Fluff, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Guilty Dean, Jealous Dean, Jealousy, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 14:56:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4483682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morethancupcake/pseuds/Morethancupcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Castiel takes his backpack, and he says goodbye to Sammy. Uncle Bobby kneels on the floor, and tries to tell him to stay, but he flies on the little dirt path, and Dean doesn't see him for a while."</p><p>They meet when they're kids, and kids can be cruel to each other. Then they meet again, and Dean doesn't know how not to love the boy with blue eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blackberry and lavender

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this :
> 
> http://linneart.tumblr.com/post/116249458565
> 
> http://linneart.tumblr.com/post/108378814385
> 
> but of course I had to make it a little sad before I made it all better.

"Does he have to be here ? I don't want him to be here !"

The little boy, Castiel, stops what he was doing, playing with Sammy, lining cubes on the floor, and his eyes are full of tears behind his glasses. 

Dean. Uncle Bobby does that, he just says his name, and Dean knows he's being a brat. He can feel it, but still, he has to share with Sammy, always, during the year. He has to take care of Sammy, not just because Dad asked him, but because he can see how Dad can't, and summer at uncle Bobby's mean finally being spoiled, and happy, and he's not ready to share that too.

The other boy isn't crying yet, and Dean can respect that, because tears are really hard to keep in, he knows. He wants to say sorry, but he's not sure he can, and Uncle Bobby looks really disappointed, and a little upset.

Castiel takes his backpack, and he says goodbye to Sammy. Uncle Bobby kneels on the floor, and tries to tell him to stay, but he flies on the little dirt path, and Dean doesn't see him for a while.

 

The next time they see him, he's sitting in front of a cabin, one of the fancy ones, close to the lake, and his lip his split, and he can't open one of his eyes.

He runs away when he sees Dean, and Sammy is crying so hard they have to go back home.

 

The Novaks go back to the city, and they go back to Dad. For a while.

 

Dean remembers, and he tells Charlie there's probably a reason why Castiel is avoiding him.

 

He asks Bobby. Bobby, who's tired, and grumpy, and looks even older suddenly.

"You were a kid, and that's what kids do. It's all right, son."

"But he was.. Do you.."

"He used to stay and hide in here. Would read books too big for his hands and listen to the radio with me. Good kid. I used to make sure he was fed, and had a safe place to stay."

"And I blew it."

Bobby drinks his coffee and stays silent for a minute.

"You were a kid, Dean. A piece of work, yes, but a good kid. You didn't know."

Later, when he comes back from the workshop, Bobby sits him down, and shows him a little shoebox, full of little enveloppes and pictures.

"He sends me letters, and pictures. Sometimes. He's a good kid."

"He was almost your kid, too." it's just a whisper. "He was yours, and I blew it."

Bobby kisses the top of his head, and he's not sure it has happened before.

 

That night, Dean cries, and Bobby pretends not to hear.

 

Dean hates these boys out of principle. They're bright, and rich. Beautiful, and polite, and everybody seems to worship them. Dean hates those kind of kids, he hates how easy life is for them. He hates the fact they don't have to work. He hates their perfect families coming to pick them up, sometimes, and he hates how happy they look.

He isn't a bully, he doesn't exactly hit anyone, but he makes sure they know he's here, and it's fun to make them understand life can be miserable too.

That is, until the day he actually pushes himself into that new boy's space, and the look of pure fear he sees make him stop. 

He seems terrified, for a minute, and then it's something else, something that tugs at Dean's memory. 

And then it's gone. 

 

He remembers, and he hides into the worshop for the rest of the summer. 

 

And one year, finally, Castiel Novak comes back. In September, he's here, still, working in the little bakery in town. He lives with his brother, Charlie tells him, tired of seeing him watch from afar. Castiel buys food in the little market, once a week, and he sometimes smiles and chat for a while with Sam.

Dean knows he comes to visit, when he's away. He knows Castiel comes over and he sits with Bobby in his old kitchen. They share cake, and Castiel calls him Pop, and Bobby looks happy.

 

"We ruined his life." he tells Sam when they're fishing. "Bobby had a son, and he was happy, and we ruined it."

Sam doesn't say a word, at first, and Dean thinks he's trying to find the best way to tell him he's the one responsible.

"We didn't ruin anything. Dad ruined our lifes. He did. Uncle Bobby taking us, that's not what I would call ruining his life. Complicating, maybe. Yes, we were difficult, but I know he doesn't see it that way."

Another hour pass. They drink water, and not beer, because Sam is a good influence. It's starting to be too hot for this, and Dean regrets his dark blue jeans. 

"Castiel calls him Pop." Sam smiles, eyes on the other side of the lake. "Bobby went to his graduation, too. It's good he managed to come back to be there with him." He drinks a little more, and gets rid of his shirt. "We have to make an effort. We have to invite him, maybe."

"Maybe."

"Dean."

"I know, Sammy. I know."

 

Years of resentment are difficult to let go of. Dean knows, he knows it's easier to hate Castiel than to feel guilty. And he does. He feels it in his bones. He remembers the little boy, with his bee backpack and his glasses, and he remembers the bruises. He remember moving in with uncle Bobby, and it's feels wrong, because Castiel never got to live with his Pop, he never got to hear Uncle Bobby's stories, or to taste his lasagna.

Dean drinks on the shore, when the night comes and everything turns cold and damp. He drinks and he tries to forget he's responsible for the bruises on Castiel's face.

 

Castiel comes over for lunch on Sunday, and he brings pie. He acts as a guest, and he doesn't speak much when Dean is around, but he smiles a lot, and he laughs softly at their jokes, and the way Bobby bullies them into things.

 

"You should come over more." Dean tells him when he's leaving, avoiding his eyes. "Bobby misses you, and Sam in pretty much in love with you."

Castiel nods a few times, but he says nothing. Dean knows, he knows he's the one in the way. "I'll probably be out next Sunday, come and spend the day with them ?"

 

He goes to Charlie, and they watch stupid TV Shows, eating crappy foods. When he comes back home, Castiel is sleeping in the guest room, and Sammy is looking at him with heavy eyes he can't understand.

 

He kisses Castiel's cheek, and his skin tastes like the rain.

 

They organize a barbecue, for Bobby's birthday. There's potato salad, and good beef, and rhubarb pie Castiel made in the tiny kitchen. They laugh, and they drink a little too much. Castiel forgets to be wary, and Dean forgets it's his fault, he forgets about the glasses and the little backpack.

He gets sick, and Castiel brushes his hair away from him sweaty forehead, his fingers cold and soothing.

"I am sorry. I am so sorry" he whispers in the dark of the small bathroom he shares with Sam. Castiel helps him into his old sweats, and he listens to Dean as he babbles into the night. Outside, Sammy and Bobby are talking, it's soft and comforting. Castiel's fingers are cold on his head. "I am sorry for keeping you away. I am sorry for ruining your life."

Castiel's fingers are cold, and they never stop brushing his hair. It's nice, it's something Mary used to do, and Dean falls asleep.

 

Castiel moves in with them. In the morning, Dean wakes up and walks with him to the bakery. They don't really talk, they don't really need to. Sometimes, Castiel will show him the bees, still sleepy, much like them, and he'll tell him about how lavender honey makes everything better. 

 

"Come on !" Dean shouts, and drags him down the little hill. Castiel laughs, but he runs too, and Dean doesn't remember being this happy before, light, so light.

They sleep together, Castiel's head on his shoulder. The water is soothing, close to them, it's a nice afternoon. 

"I think I dreamt about you." Castiel yawns and he looks like a grumpy kitten. 

"Me too." Dean says. It's not exactly a lie. It's just not the same.

 

Lisa has big brown eyes. She smiles a lot, and her hand rest a little too long on his arm. They're old friends, now. That's what he says to Cas.

"You used to be way more." he answers, and Dean can hear the little ball of hurt in his throat. 

Castiel goes to the forest alone, with a book in his pocket.

 

Lisa had big brown eyes, and she looks a little hurt when Dean avoids her hand. They were something, sure, but he doesn't want to risk the quiet times he shares with Cas. 

He follows him into the forest, he sits next to him under a giant tree.

"I used to come here a lot, when I was a kid." Castiel is wearing his glasses today, and if Dean looks just the right way, he can almost see the little bee backpack. "You could find strawberries and it was nice to sleep here."

Dean reads next to him, about a little kid with big glasses becoming a wizard. Sleep takes them slowly, carefully, and he lets himself go in the crook of Castiel's neck.

 

"I'm sorry." he whispers here, and if his lips caress the skin close, it's not his fault, it's not really a kiss, is it ? "I'm so sorry."

"You did nothing wrong." Castiel whispers back. His fingers toys with Dean's, they connect the freckles on his hand.

 

When they kiss, the first time, Cas' lips are purple, and the blackberries leave their juice on Dean's, too. They giggle, and they hide behind a door. Their kisses are chaste, almost, they're playing, they're little kids, and Sam and Bobby could hear them. Dean links their fingers and doesn't let go.

 

Castiel's clothes move to his room. Sammy doesn't say a word. Bobby pretends he doesn't notice, until one day he asks, when they're driving to the store.

"What do you think you're doing, with that boy ?" Bobby is playing with his cap, eyes glued to the fabric in his hand.

"I love him." he says, turning to the parking lot, his moves an automatism at this point. It's not scary, it's Bobby. He's Cas' Pop, but he's Uncle Bobby too.

"You boys be good to each other."

He pesters Dean until he buys enough for yet another burger night, and he makes fun of him for picking Castiel's favorite cheese, and organic vegetables.

 

The Novaks come to their cottage, and Castiel gets ready to see them. They fight, and maybe it's their first fight, it's like Gods moving clouds and mountains, Castiel's voice booming over his, and Dean's huffs like storms. Castiel goes, wearing clothes he never wears, and Dean waits under the porch, drinking. 

The blue eyes find him there, late in the afternoon, half asleep and too drunk to care.

"You left." he says, as if it's enough of a reason for him to make himself sick. And maybe it is. When he wakes up, Castiel is napping next to him, in their bed, and his cheeks are damp. 

 

"You have to be here, always. I need you to be here."

Castiel kisses him, and kisses him again. Sammy claps, and Bobby is laughing. The ring is somewhere at their feet, in the grass, and Dean doesn't care.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ! You can find it (and me !) on tumblr :) feel free to come by and chat !
> 
>  http://iwanttopizzamanyou.tumblr.com/post/125689159404/blackberry-and-lavender
> 
> Nice comments are nice warm fuzzy feelings to the soul, and kudos make me very happy. Have a wonderful August !


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